How Lynn clogged the toilet for the first time
by MamaAniki
Summary: Come boys and ghouls and listen to a tale once upon a Halloween, that does not contain any fecal material despite what the title implies (Collaboration with Hatoralo)


**Hatoralo: Hey guys. Hatoralo here. Taking a little break from "Platonic", me and Mama_Aniki want to give you this little one shot. And in case you are wondering where she is…**

 **Mama_Aniki: (chained up in a corner with adamant chains and a titanium gag in her mouth, looking absolutely livid)**

 **Hatoralo: She had a rather strong opinion about the subject of today's oneshot, and… well, you will see.**

 **Mama_Aniki: (mumbles something in the language of the great old ones)**

 **Hatoralo: Don't worry, without reading the exact spells out of the Necronomicon she shouldn't be able to summon anything… I hope.**

 **In the meantime, enjoy the story  
**

* * *

The year is 2009.

The internet reviewer bubble hadn't busted yet and a middle aged cargo ship captain had an unfortunate encounter with a group of sea pirates, which would later on become the basis for a mostly overlooked Tom Hanks movie.

It was a rather uneventful year, at least if you were not a celebrity in Hollywood and Lynn Loud was overall rather happy with his life. Yes, his. Cause we are not talking about the fifth child in a long row of offsprings, but Lynn "Captain Cowbell" Loud, the patriarchy of the Loud family, living on Franklin Avenue (house number 1216)

This man of hard work and interest in music was, halfheartedly, preparing his six children for this year's Halloween. It was also his youngest son's, a three year old lad named Lincoln, first Halloween. He was very excited, running the house up and down dressed like Mega Man, the Blue Bomber.

"Trick or treat, trick or treat, trick or treat…"

"Calm down, Lincoln," Lori begged her three year old brother as he was jumping around the living room from the couch to the armchair, avoiding imaginary enemies and "blasting" them with his little arm cannon, making "pew pew" noises.

She was dressed like a certain Gerudo with red hair and tried her best as the oldest sister to watch over her sibling while her parents were busy helping the other kids.

"Or you'll get so tired, you may fall asleep when we go hunting for candy."

That made the little boy stop in his tracks. "No candy?"

"No way, bro!" a voice declared from the other end of the room. It belonged to his slightly older sister and roommate Lynn, who had just gotten the last touches put on by her dad. Though based on her costume, people would have had a hard time identifying her as a girl. After all, not many girls liked to dress up with just a baseball cap, boy shorts and stripped t-shirts as she did this Halloween. She was swinging a baseball bat. Not a real one, but one made out of foam. Which still managed to knock at least a couple of DVDs off a nearby board. "You'll get all the candy you want, even if I have to go down to every house in the neighborhood myself!"

"Can we make it in time?" asked Luna dressed as Falco Lombardi, the blue anthropomorphic eagle and ace pilot. Her day so far wasn't the best and only the thought of sweet, sweet sweets was keeping her from sinking into a phase of lethargy.  
That was until Lincoln jumped onto her back. "Can you be Rush for me?"  
"Who?"  
"Mega Man's flying dog!"  
"I can't fly," Luna answered with a smirk. "But I can walk fast."  
So she started to play horsey with Lincoln, running through the living room, careful not to run into anyone.

"Oh, I can't wait to see the faces of the other children!" squealed Leni, dressed like Princess Rosalina, with matching wand while looking at her brother and sister. "They will be totes impressed, I am sure of it!"  
Leni had made their siblings' costumes, her mother even allowing her to use the sewing machine under parental supervision.  
She was very proud of her work. The only thing saddening her being when she had learned that she couldn't sew steel together to make Lincoln's costume.  
But the happy face he made as he saw his costumes dispersed her sad state immediately.

"That is, if we even get out tonight," complained Lori. She went to the staircase. "Luan, are you finished yet?"

Right on cue, the aforementioned six year old showed up. Though she was the one who decided this year's theme by which the siblings would go out, she was the one who, within the last days, changed her mind regarding her costume choice. All because she watched some famous silent era comedian's material on an art channel last week.

So instead of dressing up as a female Pokémon trainer, she had instead put her hair under a bowler hat, smeared some color under her nose in the form of a small mustache and wore a worn out suit that made her look like a tramp. Not that it was necessarily her first choice of costume. But her parents insisted on the fact that she could not dress like Adenoid Hynkel without going into details as to why.

"How is it your costume takes that much time to put on if Luna is the one dressed from head to toe like a chicken?" Lori wanted to know. But all Luan gave her was a shrug with the shoulders.

"Hey! I am not a chicken," protested Luna.

"Yeah. Right now she is Linki's horsey!" exclaimed Leni.

The look Luna gave her made it clear that her help was not quite appreciated.

"It is almost time!"  
Everyone's ears perked up as Rita Loud, mother of six, came into the room. She was dressed as Emperor Palpatine, shrouded in a black cloak and with great make-Up on her face, she looked terrifying and imposing.  
"I can't believe my little boy is already going out for his first Halloween Trick-or-Treat tour!"

An effect that was ruined by her talking in a very excited manner about this year's Halloween, while also tearing up.  
"You kids grow up so fast. I remember the first time I had to change Lori's diapers, watched with Luan her first comedy movie and taught Lynn how to walk. Which then transformed into a race through the house."  
"I never have seen a baby running so fast," explained Lynn Sr. proudly. Feigning interest, he prepared his camera and ordered his kids to group: "Gather around everyone. Time to take a photo."

Lincoln was placed back on Luna's shoulders, Lynn into Rita's arms, who was standing to Luna's right, while Lori and Leni placed themselves right and left from their mother and Luan and Lynn Sr. placed themselves each left and right besides Luna.  
"Everybody say "Halloween!""

"HALLOWEEN!" everyone shouted and the flash went off.

Rita put Lynn down. The five year old felt kind of embarrassed by being put in her mother's arms.

"Now, you girls take good care of your brother out there and don't cause too much trouble for your dad, understood?"

"Yes mom," the girls said.  
"And you make sure our kids have fun, okay?"

"Of course, Sweetie," Lynn Sr. replied with a fake smile. Internally though, he was screaming.

Normally his wife or her father would do the trick-or-treat tour with the kids. But with his wife visibly pregnant and Albert visiting an old friend from his service during the war, they had no other choice. Lynn had to watch over the kids and go with them trick-or-treating.

Now, Lynn loved his kids. But the same could not be said for Halloween. Or horror movies. Or spiders. Scratch that. Anything that was fearsome or related to pranks. He hated being scared and as such the night of All Hallows Eve was, next to April Fools' Day, the worst date in the calendar for him. That was also why he refused as the only person in the entire family to dress up, despite his wife having found a pretty decent Grinch costume for him on Ebay, even though he loved the Grinch (that is, the version with Boris Karloff).

Worse, ever since she knew how much of a scaredy cat he was, Luan had always a few tricks up her sleeve to prank him. This morning alone she managed to scare the crap out of him by pretending to eat brain matter for breakfast, when in reality it was just popcorn dunk in blood orange juice. Which over the course of the day was followed by finding the head of Luna's costume on the backseat of his van, Luan scaring him with a video on YouTube that used a song by Kumbia Kings and so on.  
He just hoped the night would go over quickly and that she had used all her ammunition already.

"Why can't mommy come with us?" Lincoln suddenly wanted to know.

"Because she is literally caring her own weight around here already," came the surprisingly snappy reply by Lori. Lincoln was kind of confused what she meant by it.

"Lori!"

As well as why his dad was kind of shocked by her statement.

"Sorry dad," the young blonde apologized.

"You better be, young lady," the soon to be father of a seventh child said. He put his son up and smiled. "You remember what I told you about you soon getting another sister or even a brother, champ?"

The young boy nodded. Some time ago his parents had told him and his other siblings that the stork was coming to visit the family again to bring them another sibling. For some reason Lori had looked rather tired when he told them so, telling Luna she couldn't believe they were still "on it". Whatever that means. All Lincoln knew was that his mother had gotten more tired and also a bit thicker over time. Which, according to his parents, was actually normal and had to be explained to him in order to make him stop worrying that his mommy got sick.

"Now you see Lincoln, going on tour with us would be quite exhausting for mommy," his dad explained. "And mommy needs to be strong when the stork comes because…"

"She has to wrestle him for the baby!" Lynn exclaimed. Her dad looked in shock at her.

"Really?"

"Ehm… really," answered Lynn Sr. not knowing what else to say. He gave his youngest daughter a look that made it obvious he did not quite appreciate her improvised explanation.

"Also there are other kids out tonight, who will come to visit our house, sweetie," his mother added, pinching his cheek. "And someone needs to be there to give them sweets too, you know?"

 _Yeah. Normally It would be me_ her husband thought.

Her son nodded. "I think I get it."

He gave her a quick hug. "Will you watch out for monsters?"

"Don't worry Linki," said Leni in a reassuring tone. "Mom knows how to deal with monsters. I always hear her say to dad that she knows how to take care of five of them on a daily basis."

There was a pregnant silence in the room and four angry girls starring at their mom, as well as a very confused Leni asking if she said something wrong.

* * *

The authors could now spend multiple pages telling about the awesome trick or treating trip of six children between the age of 3 and 9 dressed up as famous, age appropriate game characters. How Lincoln at one point got into a "pretend" fight against another boy who dressed up as Dr. Wily's Bass, how Leni ended up with another group of kids by accident and didn't realize it 'till she met her siblings at another corner of the street 15 minutes later, or how Luan met a weird, extremely slender person in the woods, who walked away groaning after she annoyed him enough with her silent routine. All of that of course accompanied by the kids' dad shaking almost around every corner and fearing that anytime Luan would pull another prank on him.

But this is actually NOT what this one shot is about, so let's just jump ahead to 9 P.M.

At this point in time, the candy hunt had already been going on for three and a half hours. Lincoln was resting in his dad's arms, the uncommon exercise he experienced today having taken a toll on the three year old.

Lynn Sr. already wanted to go straight back home right there and then, but Lori and Lynn insisted on taking a detour, arguing that they wanted to surprise Lincoln the next day by giving him some of the extra candy they could make on their way back home.

It took at least another 90 minutes till exhaustion had finally reached critical mass for the kids. Not just because of all the walking, but the enormous booty of chocolate, candy, jawbreakers, lollipops, bonbons, sweetmeats and crunchyrolls they dragged behind them.  
"Can we go home, guys?" Luna asked her sisters and father. "Lincoln is asleep and Lynn doesn't look much better."  
"I am not a little bit tired!" proclaimed the girl dressed as a psychic boy. "I-" her head hung low and a snoring came out of her mouth before she awoke again. "-am totally awake!"  
"You are literally not," Lori commented. "I want to go home too."  
"Like, me too," agreed Leni. "I can't feel my hands anymore."  
"Those aren't your hands, those are mine," Luan explained. "But I want to go home too."  
"Okay girls. Let's go home," Lynn Sr. agreed, thanking the gods that this night was finally over.

* * *

"Honey, we are back!"

They didn't hear an answer.  
"Mom must be in bed already," Lori assumed. Something her father managed to confirm when he looked in his bedroom and found his wife (still with the make up on) sleeping. He went back to his kids.  
"Okay girls, stash your candy in the kitchen," he ordered quietly. "You can eat your candy tomorrow."  
"Can't we take it to our rooms?" asked Lori. "We will be careful, I promise."  
"No, I can't risk it," explained Lynn. "Especially with the younger ones."

After the night he had, the last thing he wanted was a sugar high Lynn running around the house, trying to break her speed record till sunrise.

"I won't eat all of it at once," swore Lynn Jr. stubbornly. "I swear!"  
"Even If you would only eat half of your share, your belly could become SO big," the father exclaimed, making a gesture with his hands as if his belly was inflating to ballon like proportions. "And it would be full of belly-aches."

Lynn, stubborn but also young enough to believe such an exaggerated tale, surrendered.

"Now go to bed my little Ghoulies," Lynn ordered friendly. "And avoid any nightmares."  
"But dad," grizzled Lori. "I want to watch the new Friday the 13th."  
"No, you are too young for such a movie," forbade Lynn. "Now get Lincoln to bed."

While Lori planned to watch the movie with Leni on her new smartphone (after getting Lincoln tucked in, her dad decided to take some me-time and look if anything good was on TV he could watch before going to bed. Which there wasn't, as everywhere something Halloween related was airing. Movie channel? Some awful remake of a horror movie he didn't watch the first time. On the news? Something about a Halloween party going out of control in a town called Haddonfield. On the History Channel? Some "scientists" debating if Samhain was an alien from Alpha Centauri. The "adult entertainment channel"? He didn't want to risk his wife finding him in a situation that was very hard to explain.

"Dang it," grumbled the patriarch of the family after 15 minutes of channel hopping. Desperate for any form of distraction, he decided to do something he hadn't done ever before. He switched on the TiVO set and went through some of the shows his wife had recorded over the last days.

"Why can't at least one station treat this night like any other," he wondered aloud, venting his dislike for Halloween at a volume that he hoped was not waking anyone up.

The events of the day went through his head, frustrating him even more. Not the fact his children had fun. But the constant pranks he had to go through still soured his mood and he wished there would had been a way to pay them back in the spirit of the holiday. But any idea for a prank he had was either too pathetic to even scare his youngest or scared himself halfway through the developing stage. Moreover, Halloween was over. He was just about to resign himself to the fact he had wasted his chance to get back at his kids, when something caught his attention.

There on TV, some Conan knock off he was only half-heartedly listening to brought something up. A simple suggestion for a prank. An ingenious prank, so good Lynn wondered why he didn't come up with it. An uncharacteristically sinister smile emerged on his face as he realized that he was going to get his kids good the very next day.

"This is going to go into this family's prank history," he declared and shut the TV off.

* * *

The sun hasn't fully risen yet, when Lynn Loud (Jr) awoke the next day around 7:30 A.M. As it was Sunday and her favorite cartoons already aired all the day before, she would have normally turned around and slept in for a couple more minutes. But this morning, they were going to re-air a certain Halloween special on the kids channel she really wanted to show her little brother. "Linki…" she whispered, while swinging herself carefully on his bed. The three year old, still exhausted from the candy hunt of the previous night, just wrapped his blanket more around himself. Still asleep he hugged Bun Bun, mumbling.

"Wake up."

"Bun Bun wants to sleep," the little boy stated half awake, not turning around. Lynn would have never admitted it to anyone, but she thought her little roommate was adorable when he was pouting like that.

"Come on, Linki," Lynn insisted. "The Nightmare Ghoulery is going to air soon."

"Record it."

 _Clever Boy_ the young jock thought appreciatively. She jumped off the bed.

"Guess you don't want Halloween candy for breakfast then." she sighed playfully while opening their room's door.

Behind her, Lincoln was suddenly wide awake.

"Candy for breakfast?"

Before she knew it, she found herself with one hand still holding the door's knob, while Lincoln held the other one. With a strength she didn't know from her brother, he tried to drag her downstairs.

"Come on Lynn! The chocolate is waiting!"

Lynn was worried that he wouldn't stop with his share and also gobble the loot of his sisters alike. She hoped he was just excited otherwise she already saw a brawl ensuing later. Not that she would complain, she loved a good brawl in the morning. The right thing to get the muscles working.

So she calmed him down a little first, before they walked down the stairs. They ran into the kitchen, where she remembered putting the candy down last night. But...

"Lynn, where did you guys put our bags again?"

"On the counter."

"But they aren't on the counter."

Lynn's eyes widened in surprise. She looked around. No bags on the counter, or anywhere in the kitchen.

"Where is our candy? I want my candy!"

"Don't cry," an equally disturbed Lynn said in order to calm her little brother down. "Maybe dad put them away."

The two started to search the kitchen with the usual care two little children have while searching for their candy. Not much, but at least they were careful enough not to break any plates.

Awoken by the noises, the other four sisters came down, Lori and Leni still dozy because they stayed up for their movie.

"What are you doing?" asked Lori. "I literally wanted to sleep in today."

"Wouldn't be possible in Seattle," Luan joked with a laugh. "Get it?"

Nobody understood that reference, so they ignored her.

"Why are you rummaging through the cupboards?" asked Luna.

"Our candy is gone!" explained Lynn slightly panicked. "Our bags all vanished!"

Shocked gasps came from the four older sisters in response.

"Like, they got stolen?" Leni asked and looked around. "Was a thief here?"

"With a serious sweet tooth," Luan figured. "A sweet thief!"

Everybody groaned at that bad pun now.

"Everybody: Search the house for our candy!" Lori ordered with a serious undertone. "I doubt there was a thief. Raze the entire house to the ground if you have to. I want my candy and you do too, right?"

"Candy, candy, candy!"

They split up and started to search the house. Lori stayed with Lincoln and Leni took Lynn as they were too young to search in the more dangerous places alone. They searched the fireplace, the cellar, the living room, the dining room, nothing.

Lori checked if Cliff had taken the candy but the kitten just meowed curiously at her accusation. Same for Charles, who got interrogated by Leni.

"Wuff one time if you took the sweets, two times if you didn't."

The little puppy just sniffed and yawned as a response.

"Like, what does a yawn mean? I totes don't get it!"

In the end, the two older sisters let their younger siblings ruffle their pets and sighed.

After several minutes of fruitless search, the kids came together in the living room.

"Has anyone found anything?" asked Lori.

The others shook their heads. Lincoln and Lynn were sniffing. "Is our candy gone, Lori?"

"We didn't search our parents' bedroom," Luna remembered. "Maybe Mom or Dad took them?"

"I hope so," said Luan. "But what if Mom ate all the chocolate?"

"Then we'll get it back!" promised Lori.

* * *

Lynn Sr. had just awoken and was able to sneak out of the room without waking his wife. Armed with his camera, he had heard his children searching the house for candy.

Now the moment for his brilliant revenge had come!

"Good Morning kids," he greeted them. "What's going on?"

"Our Halloween Loot is gone!" explained a distraught Lynn.

Lynn (Sr., not Jr.) smirked and targeted his children with his camera. He became as serious as he could get. "Kids, I have to tell you something."

"Oh, for crying out loud!" Lori shouted to everyone's surprise. "Do we get another sibling? Mom already has a bun in the oven. Can't you be happy with what you have and wait for at least one year?!"

Lynn, who was brought out of composure by that question for a moment, said: "No, your Mom is only carrying one child. What I wanted to tell you is that I ate all your candy."

The children froze. Not a single movement, not even on their faces was visible as they heard the message.

"You did what?" Lori asked in shock.

"I became really hungry during the night and ate it all up," her dad explained like he was proud about that fact. "Even the bags. Tasted better than they looked."

The looks his kids gave him could only be described in one words: Priceless.

Mouths agape, eyes widened, they stared at him as if he had just grown a second head while singing a song about German sausages. This Kimmel guy on TV was right, he thought in childish prankster glee. This was ingenious. This was the greatest prank he had ever pulled off. This was…

"You ate our candy?"

Lynn Sr. turned slightly to the left, camera still in hand. In focus of the device was now a three year old boy in orange pajamas and a plush rabbit in his hand. Lincoln was just as much in shock about what his father told him as his sisters.

"Yes son, it tasted really good and…"

He wanted to go on. But then Lynn Sr. became aware that Lincoln's expression changed. It started with a slight trembling of Lincoln's arms, followed immediately by him repeating the question. Only this time softer. Hurt.

"You-you ate our candy?"

The little boy's lip was trembling. And he was not the only one. If Papa Loud, confused and feeling increasingly uncomfortable, had turned to the other kids, he would have seen the face of his oldest daughter hardening at the sight of her brother, while Leni was busy trying to comfort Junior.

Lincoln, meanwhile, was starting to slowly tear up, a sight that made the father of six drop his smile.

"You-you…"

Lincoln didn't manage to get anything else out. All coherent words were drowned in a heartbreaking cry.

In that instant, Lynn Sr. remembered that yesterday was the first time his youngest child, the apple of his daughters' eyes, went out trick or treating. And with it came also the realization that he had just now ruined his son's first Halloween.

 _Oh no, Lynn,_ he thought in defeat. _What have you done?_

Before he had the chance to think harder about it, he heard the barely audible voice of his daughter Luna.  
"Our hard earned candy?" she asked, holding back tears. Next to her, both Lynn and Leni began to join in Lincoln's crying. It was not the loss of their candy that made them cry, but the betrayal from one of the people they trusted the most.

Their dad, now regretting his actions, put the camera away and tried to console his kids, beginning with his son, who he felt he had hurt the most right now.

"Lincoln, don't cry", he said on his knees. "I-"

But before he could further explain himself, he got hit with a plush rabbit in the face. It didn't hurt, but the shock that his three year old son just hit him with his favorite toy perplexed him long enough for Luan to suddenly jump his back and push him to the ground.

Trying to lift his head, he could see Luna now coming to her brother's aid, trying her hardest to calm him down.

"Kids, listen!"

But before he could say more, he felt someone pull at his leg, trying to get it into a wrestling hold. Lynn looked down, only to see Junior, still crying, pulling at it. "Lynn, st-"

Lori, eyes burning in fury and all rational thought being dampened by the fact someone had hurt her siblings, pointed her finger at her father. "GET HIM!"

And then all hell broke loose.

* * *

Rita awoke. She felt like she had slept longer than usual. Yesterday's Halloween hadn't been an easy one. A lot of kids had come to their house this year, demanding candy. Maybe it was because of her pregnancy that she felt so drained after a while, but she could only remember how she retreated to her bedroom for a short rest and after waking up she saw the rays of the sun coming through the window.

 _Morning already? I hope the kids had fun on their tour._ The mother of six and soon seven rose up, stretched, yawned and cradled her pregnant belly. "Good morning number 7. Everything alright in there? Enjoy the solitude as long as you can."

With not a care in the world, she started to dress and looked at the clock on the dresser.

"9 A.M.? Why is it so quiet right now?"

The Louds were known for a lot of things, but silence wasn't one of them.

Slightly worried, she left the parents' bedroom. In the living room, she found a drag mark of glitter, finger-paint and soda leading through the house.

"What the…? Honey? Children?"

With no other clues, she followed the trail down to the cellar.

"I told them not to paint on the walls!"

Starting to get angry, she opened the door. The light was already on. Carefully, she descended, eyes kept on the stairs to avoid any misstep in order to keep her passenger safe. She heard shuffling and eating noises and the steps had more glitter on them. She looked up as she reached the bottom.

"What is going on here, I want a- OH, MY GOD!"

She refused for a moment to accept what she saw, hoping her mind was still a little sleepy, playing a joke on her.

Her husband was bound to a chair with a gag in his mouth. His pajama had been torn to shreds and his entire body was blemished with finger paint, glitter, soda and many bruises, including two black eyes. Words like "Butthole", "Dummy" and "bad dad" had been written all over his face, including one especially bad word that Rita didn't dare to read.

Around her husband sat the kids, eating sweets directly out of half torn apart bags, their faces smudged from chocolate and other sugary products. They looked like they had cried, their faces expressing a mixture of anger and sugar high induced insanity. There and then they threw wrapping paper at their half-conscious dad.

They barked like angry dogs (except Leni who, for some reason, tried to sound like an angry sparrow) and looked around wildly, their eyes twitching.

"Precious jawbreakers…" Luan could be heard hissing.

Lynn and Lincoln were fighting over a candy bar, the later using Bun Bun as a melee weapon.

It was like a scene from "Lord of the Flies" had combined with "Mad Max" and collided with a non-lethal public lynching.

Rita took a deep breath and spoke: "What in the 9 circles of HELL happened here?!"

At the sound of their mother's voice, the kids stopped their feast. The crazy in Lynn and Lincoln's eyes immediately vanished, the fearsome sound of their maternal figure being far better at detoxing their sugar rush than an insulin injection.

The three oldest realized immediately that they were in all sorts of trouble. Hastily, they tried to make themselves presentable. Which wasn't as easy, seeing how they had all sorts of glitter, wax colors and candy paper stuck to them.

"Eh… hi mom!"

"Loretta Anastasia Loud!" growled Rita, looking at her oldest. The fact she was still dressed up like a certain Star Wars villain made her look even more frightening than all Stephen King villains combined. As such, the other kids tried their hardest to make themselves invisible by hiding behind Lori. "What is all of this? Why is your father bound to a chair? Why does the house look like a rainbow unicorn vomited all over the place? And why is there a lollipop stuck to Lincoln's head?"

"Eh… because he tried to dive headfirst into his candy bowl," answered Luan the last question in honesty. The grim glares of her mother made it clear that this was not the answer she wanted to hear.

Lori sighed. She whipped the last remains of Halloween chocolate from her cheeks (caramel flavored) and began to explain the situation.

* * *

Rita Loud had heard a lot of stories from her kids. Like when Lincoln insisted that there were some invisible people who were watching them all for like ten minutes a day. But what Lori told her sounded just as awful as it was ridiculous. Her husband, telling their kids he had eaten all their hard-earned Halloween candy, which in turn led to all of them dragging him down to the basement, giving him a makeover and forcing him to listen to one of Lori's Justin Bieber CDs, till he broke down and told them that all the candy was in fact hidden away in the furnace. Which at least also explained why Luna and Luan had soot all over their face.

She just couldn't believe that Lynn could do something like that. Unfortunately, confirmation for how heinous her husband could really be came from two different sources. The first one was the video camera from upstairs, which had recorded the act of breaking her little kids' hearts. The second one was Lynn Sr. himself. Once the gag was removed, he admitted what he had done and where exactly he got the idea from.

Save to say that Rita was not very amused about any of that.

"Kids, I am sorry!" he said, still bound to the chair. The tone of his voice made it clear that he genuinely regretted what he had done. And not just because he ended up on the receiving end of a beating.

Unfortunately, his kids weren't willing to forgive him just yet, Lynn sticking out her tongue and blowing him a raspberry. At least till the angry stares of her mother told her to cut it out.

For a few seconds, Rita Loud just stood there, contemplating what to do. Eventually, she just sighed in resignation. "Kids, go upstairs. You are all going to take a bath now."

"But it's not Tuesday," protested Lincoln.  
Rita took a deep breath. "I know honey. But I am not letting you walk around the house looking like you rolled in candy."

"Which he literally did."

Rita ignored what Lori had said. "You and Leni, help me clean Lynn and Lincoln up in the bathroom downstairs. Luna, Luan…upstairs."

"Yes, mom," the kids said.

"And all of you are grounded for the next week."

Luan tried to protest, but Luna put a hand on her shoulder to keep her quiet. She knew that, considering the damage the kids had caused, one week was still VERY generous.

Accepting their punishment, the kids went upstairs. Lynn mumbling something about her tummy aching.

"Don't be too mad at them, honey," her husband said. "I-"

Rita interrupted him. "Oh, I am not mad at them. Disappointed maybe, but not mad."

She came closer. Lynn Sr. suddenly realized, that he was still bound to the chair and that his wife looked way more livid than in front of her kids.

"You on the other hand…"

"Honey?"

Rita took a deep breath. She coughed…

 **"What made you think this was a good idea?!"**

From the ceiling, some concrete dropped.

"Well you see, Jimmy Kimmel-"

"The idiot who gave you the idea."

"-is a comedian from TV. I thought he knew what he was talking about."

Rita remained silent.  
"And… well, they looked very funny as they heard they lost their loot."

"Was that right before they started to cry?" Rita asked with more sarcasm and vile in her voice than ever before in her life. "Have you thought that prank through at any point?"

"I planned to tell them the truth eventually," Lynn assured. "I never planned to steal their sweets for real."

"In that case, I would leave you down here till next Halloween."

Rita pinched the back of her nose and tried to calm herself while her husband was shuffling uncomfortably in his bindings. "That Kimmel guy is an idiot if he thinks that joke is funny. But you are an even bigger one for believing him."

"I really thought it would be funny." Lynn sighed. Looking sad, he continued: "But the second I figured out that I ruined Lincoln's first Halloween Tour and hurt the others, I knew I did something wrong."

"Oh, really?" Rita responded with a fake smile and angry eyes. "Tricking your little children who are still naïve enough to fall for that made you realize this joke is sadistic?"

She snorted in annoyance and anger. "I thought we did a good job raising our six little treasures, but now I fear that they will put us in a retirement home when we are old enough."

"But-"

"Zip it! I swear to all the deities out there, if Lincoln develops a trauma over this incident and we have to send him to the psychologist Harold and Howard mentioned to us so often, I will make sure you never make an 8th child."

Rita let this sink in for a few seconds before adding: "Neither with me or any other woman."

Lynn gulped and nodded. "Yes, I understand. I promise you to never do something like that again."

"And from now on, you will discuss EVERY large prank you plan to pull on our children with me. Understood?"

Lynn nodded once again.

"Very good."

Rita rubbed her neck and gave an exhausted grunt. "I'll untie you now."

She tried to untie the knots around his body with her hands but her children were surprisingly good at shackling their father so she had to get a sharp kitchen knife.

"Please, unground our kids," Lynn requested while Rita was cutting away. "I am not even mad that they did this to me. I deserved it."

"I understand your point, but if we let them get away with this, they may think that they can do this every time they are not content with something."

"This is a VERY special case," Lynn argued and rubbed his wrists as his wife cut his hands free. Rita was silent, while she cut away the rest of the bindings. "I will think about that."

* * *

The kids wouldn't leave the house.

Not because Rita had grounded them. In fact, after having a very serious discussion with her spawn, she took the punishment away. But only for this time and because of the special circumstances.

No, they stayed in the house because despite his idiocy on the Día de los Muertos, their dad was right about one thing; eating too much candy can cause belly aches.

And during a frenzy of wrath, which soon turned into a frenzy of a sugar rush, they had eaten so many sweets, that their bellies hurt for several days.

A time in which Lynn had to watch over and care for them as a punishment. He had to run from room to room, downstairs and upstairs and get them anything they wanted.

It was a torture for the patriarch, especially because his kids gave him nasty looks all the time. Not only for the bad prank he played on them, but because they also blamed him for their hurting abdomens.

It was a time Lynn Loud Sr. would never forget.

Especially, when one afternoon, he was just sitting on the couch trying to catch his breath, he heard the toilet flushing from above. Only for the sound not to vanish.

 _Oh no.  
_

"Dad!" he heard Luna's voice shout.

 _Please don't tell me-_

"Lynn had an accident in the bathroom!"

* * *

"And that is the story of how Lynn clogged the toilet for the first time!"  
"Wait, what?" asked a slightly confused Lisa her sister Luan.

She and the twins were sitting on the ground of the comedian's room, a bowl full of different Halloween candies in front of them, from which they would occasionally grab some to eat. Luan meanwhile laid on the bed, where she spend the last ten till twenty minutes telling her fellow siblings about the worst Halloween prank their dad had ever pulled on them.  
Lana was the first one to ask: "I thought this was the story about how Jimmy Kimmel ruined Lincoln's first Halloween?"

"It's both," stated Luan with a shrug and grabbed for some gum in the bowl. It would be a pain in the butt to remove the remains out of her braces later on, but once a year she needed that.

"So, just to get this straight," began Lisa, trying to make sense out of what she had been told. "Dad thought it would be fun to pretend he ate all your candy, because a late night tv show host and comedian…"

"The last part about his profession is debatable, if you ask me," mumbled Luan between chews.

"…told him so and in return you beat him up so bad, he never tried to pull a stunt like that again?"  
"That's correct!"

From the room next door, weird noises could be heard. It sounded like Lynn, Lucy and Lincoln chanting in something that Lisa could barely identify through the walls as Latin.  
"And it also invoked such a disdain for Mr. Kimmel in our brother and my fifth oldest sister, they are now trying to summon an ancient demon, just to punish him?"

"Come on Leviathan," the voice of Lucy stated in monotone from the other side of the wall "Why are you not answering?!"  
"Perhaps he is busy."

"Perhaps we should have used a better sacrifice," Lynn's voice could be heard.  
"I am not going to hurt an animal just to get back on that jerk!" argued her only brother.

"You still could have used something else than Dad's leftover meatballs," stated Lucy.

"So if they don't work, can I have them for my subway?"

Luan nervously chuckled. "Well you see Lisa, we all need a way to vent our frustration."  
The household genius just looked at the comedian sternly.  
"Wait," Lana suddenly said with wide eyes. "Is that why each year dad gives everyone of us an extra bag of our favorite candy AFTER we come home from trick or treating?"  
Luan nodded. "It was either that or years of expensive therapy."

From the other room, more intense chanting could be heard.

"Perhaps the therapy would have been the better option, at least in the long term," Lisa stated in deadpan.  
"Dang it," Lucy stated. "Perhaps if we try it with Nyarlathotep?"

When the four year old and the twins saw Lynn and Lincoln walk around the house 30 minutes ago, looking for all sorts of items Lucy was supposedly asking for, they were already confused. Even more so when on the question why they were doing it, Lincoln would simply say that they were trying to get even with a certain ass.  
While Lana wanted to know what a donkey had done that it was so bad it made Lincoln dress like a Saturday morning cartoon villain, Lisa managed to get at least the name of said "ass" Lincoln was referring to out of Lynn. But even a quick internet search on the phone did not really tell her why a TV show host was that abhorred by her own kin.

Now, after sitting through Luan's tale, which had also been filled with all sorts of terrible Halloween related puns, she had the answers. But at the same time, she wished she didn't.

"Durch die Kraft von 66 umgekehrten Pentagrammen…"

At least then she wouldn't have to deal with the possibility that the one male sibling she thought was at least mentally stable may become a child friendly Satanist.

"This is freaking ridiculous."  
"Tell me about it," Lola stated. She grabbed with one hand in the candy bowl. "I mean, you guys bet dad up for candy? Even I think that is a bit- hey! Who ate the last caramel drop?!"  
Next to her, Lana flinched slightly. A gesture not lost on Lola, who looked at her twin in anger. Lana smiled nervously, exposing sticky caramel residue between her teeth.  
"Ooops."  
"I am going to murder you!"  
Lisa just watched in resignation as the beauty pageant jumped Lana and the two engaged in the human equivalent of two street cats fighting.  
"No comment," she stated as the ball of violence managed to maneuver itself out of Luan and Luna's room, down the hallway. Lisa turned her attention back to Luan. "I am just surprised you are not engaging in that madness yourself."  
The self declared comedic genius shrugged. "I stopped caring about it ever since I got my hands at that jawbreaker which resulted in me getting braces."  
Lisa learnt so much tonight, it seemed. "Let me guess; you got your teeth on more than you could chew."  
Luan looked at first dumbfounded but then broke out in a hearty laugh. "Good one, Lis. Mind if I take it?"  
"Sure, why not," the younger girl stated nonchalantly and grabbed for another piece of candy. While she was unwrapping it, she said that she was glad that at least the older siblings seemed to have gotten over the "traumatic" experience. As such she was caught a bit off guard when Luan did NOT make immediate a pun about Lori, Leni and Luna getting over it and instead flashed another nervous smile.  
"Right?" Lisa asked.  
"Lis, let's just say that everyone has their own way to get over something like that," Luan replied in the most diplomatic fashion she could muster. "And by tonight, Lori should be over it."  
Lisa put the piece of candy down. "But she and the others are at that trip to Hollywood, Leni won in a magazine. How are they-"  
Lisa stopped when the smile on Luan's face suddenly turned from nervous to surprisingly sinister. "Oh, believe me. She will get closure."

* * *

Later that night…

The local news anchor of Royal Woods was doing her job as always when she was suddenly presented with an unusual report out of the world of entertainment

"Hollywood, California: The TV show host and comedian Jimmy Kimmel was found around 7 A.M. hanging from his feet upside down bound and gagged in a warehouse, the address of which has not been released as of now. According to witnesses, he was "caramelized and sweetened" in the style criminals in the old west were sometimes tarred & feathered as punishment. A video documenting the entire process had been posted anonymously as a download file on the well-known internet page 4Chan and is starting to get a lot of traction on YouTube.

The crime was committed by three unknown culprits, who explained their motives in the video, and I quote, as followed: "Like, this is totes the punishment for all the children you made sad", " _iDude, here is some sugar. But, honey, honey, you are NOT my candy guy/i_ , and "this is literally the best Halloween-Prank of all time. Wouldn't you agree, Kimmy?"

The reporter in the yellow dress changed to the next page. "Despite showing a highly illegal act, the video found a lot of positive response. Some people think this was staged by Kimmel, while others say he deserved it as a response to his controversial long-running Halloween prank. Said prank has Kimmel encouraging people to record their children after Halloween, lie to them about giving away or eating all their candy and to send those videos to his show afterwards. Revenge is already considered as a motive, but the lists of potential culprits is long and-"

"Literally turn the TV off," told an under a blanket lying Lori. The words were directed at Leni who was sitting upright in the bed and watching TV. Luna was already in the realm of dreams, snuggling to Lori's side. "We have to leave Hollywood tomorrow morning."

"Looks like the Kimmel was Krushed by Karamel," Luan joked and guaffed. "Get it?"

* * *

 **Authors' note**

 **Hatoralo: Save to say we are not both very big fans of Jimmy Kimmel's prank.**

 **Mama_Aniki: That is an understatement. (growling)**

 **Hatoralo: When did you break off your chai- oh god Aniki, please don't go amok.**

 **Mama_Aniki: No, I will not. Admittedly, when I first heard of this prank, I wanted to reenact Carpenter's Halloween on this hack comedian. But now I am past the point of blinding rage and have entered tranquil fury. As such, I have to say only one thing to Jimmy Kimmel and all the parents out there who participate in this prank since 2010: *** you, you unfunny ***** wastes of cellular mass!**

 **Hatoralo: …well, that is rather tame.**

 **Mama_Aniki: And now, in the spirit of shitty cartoons of the 80s, a PSA: A good Halloween prank shouldn't have long-lasting effects, either psychologically or physiologically for either the prankster or the pranked.**

 **Hatoralo: Think it through and ask others before pranking anyone.**

 **Mama_Aniki: Or you end up caramelized one Halloween.**

 **Hatoralo: Have fun trick or treating and like, subscribe or leave a comment.**

 **Mama_Aniki: Happy Halloween and a great Día de los Muertos.**


End file.
